"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

the Dreaded Christmas Letter

You think Halloween is scary?
I can top it. The Day When Your Wife Tells You To Write The Annual Christmas Letter.

I really like to write. Seriously I do. But family Christmas letters have a reputation for being landfill fodder, and the last thing I want to be responsible for is the desolation of this wonderful planet.

So when I write my Christmas letter, I feel the pressure of writing something that will endure. Something that may be framed (which is impractical since it’s two-sided). Something you’ll put in the magazine rack in the bathroom and read over and over. Something that may be quoted or referred to in a footnote in a scientific journal. You get the picture.

That’s why I lose sleep the day before the letter is “due.” Cindy tightened my thumbscrews a couple nights ago, brought the laptop to bed, logged in to my blog and said, “Here. Write it like it’s a blog post, because you KNOW you have no trouble writing clever and engagingly entertaining stuff when you’re blogging.” And you know what? It worked. The words flowed. My muse had appeared. The letter is done. In fact, it should be in the mail right now as you’re reading this.

I’ll probably wait a few days for the masses to receive their letters. Then I might post it here for the rest of you unfortunate internetters whom I’d love 40-cents-postage-worth, but not 41. Sorry, but I still have to feed my children, and ramen noodles ain’t as cheap as they used to be.

Until then, you’ll just have to wait for what is possibly the only family Christmas letter in the nation to mention “scalping.” (If that inspired you to add a last-minute scalping reference to your Christmas letter, be sure to send me a copy.)


Ma said...

Oh, I hear ya, I hear ya. Doesn't help that each year we try to top the letter from the year before, better pictures, funnier, etc.

Emily said...

I better get one or I'm gonna be mad.

Sniz said...

Your blog went from genius reading level to high school? What happened? I'm so proud to share that my husband's (Big Doofus) is at infant reading level, it's so squeaky clean. (if you ignore that one reference to idiots, a word you should never, never teach your kids to say. Or the post where he shared that our son likes to call people dumb. I know.)

Tyna said...

Oh please post it on your blog! I love annual letters!

carrie said...

LOL! I love it. We skipped the letter this year, but it will be back next year!!