"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Friday, January 25, 2008

Does This Hat Make Me Look Fat?

I'm not generally self-conscious or worried about my appearance. On the other hand, my wife is literally horrified at my appearance at times. My mustache gets too bushy. I get a weird lone hair growing out of my ear lobe. My eyebrow hairs go haywire.

Hmmmm. Maybe you see the pattern too.

It's true. My wife has hair issues, which partially explains why I find it easier to shave my head completely bald and not have to mess with making it look good.

However, when winter hits, my head gets very cold. Cold enough to freeze an egg, my daughter said. I've got this nifty stocking cap that looked cool on the manequin at the store. For some reason, though, it looks dorky on my head. It's tiny and I roll up the bottom a little. So every time I put it on, I've started worrying that everyone's staring secretly ridiculing me.

I went out to lunch, and as I got ready to leave the restaurant, I paused at the door to pull out the hat and place it on my chrome dome. The moment I put it on, two people erupted into raucous laughter.

The whole way back to work, I tried to convince myself that they were laughing at what they were talking about. Certainly they weren't laughing at THIS, right?


JAM said...

When I was a kid, I SO looked forward to being an adult. Adults have no self-doubt. Adults always know what to do in any given situation.


Wow. That's the biggest misconception of my entire life.

I'm 45 and still think things just like you describe here.

It's not fair!

If it was a true knit hat (like "The Edge" in U2 wears) then they probably weren't laughing at you.

If, however, it was actually a "do rag" like the bikers and gangstas wear, then yes, they WERE laughing at you.

AMANDA said...

We have a friend at church in the same hair category and he also wears a knit hat. He says it is more important to be warm than be fashionable. You gotta do what you gotta do!

javamamma said...

No one's laughing at you - you're so 2008. Really.

Kathy in WA said...

Scott, Scott, Scott, they were totally laughing at the piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, not your cool hat.

Glad to help.

mrshoppes said...

It is cold enough to freeze an egg. We've been losing half a dozen a day since they freeze solid and crack before we get out to collect them.

You're daughter is very smart. :)

And my husband has the same kind of hat. He shaves his head too.