"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I Don't Mean to Question Smart Scientists...

Rumor has it that the Earth is warming.

I believed it last summer when my scalp received a sunburn.

But today I'm watching squirrels freezing in mid-leap and then shattering into a million ice-encrusted pieces all over the parking lot outside my window at work. Well, it's not exactly like that, but it feels cold enough for that to happen.

And on a day list this, I can't help but giggle a little at the sign in a front yard around here that pleads "Stop Global Warming."

I've been urged to do my part to stop this temperature increase, and I do what I can.

But I've asked about the cycles through earth's history of warm and cold periods. Seriously, what if the warming would be occuring whether or not humans were causing it? What if the fact that I drive my SUV to the mailbox and back, burn plastic and styrofoam in my backyard and continue to use disposable diapers (even though my children are all potty-trained) has nothing to do with global warming?

"Just to be safe, let's imagine the worst case scenario," I've been told. "What does it hurt for you to recycle and minimize waste and oil consumption? It's better to do something rather than nothing."
I disagree. If I imagine the worst case scenario, then minimalization and rainbow-powered cars aren't going to save us. They may, in fact, distract us from solving the real problem.

I think the worst case scenario is one in which the Earth is naturally warming and we're trying to stop it by throwing sticks at it.
Why aren't we builidng large exhaust fans to vent excess heat into space? Why isn't someone figuring out how to turn old Duran Duran and Eurythmics cassettes into whatever chemical it is that we need to save the world? Why isn't someone designing something to COOL the globe instead of just trying to prevent it from warming?
(I'm thinking a giant pair of parachute pants. Now THOSE were cool.)

My ideas have absolutely no basis in fact, truth or any understanding of science, but nonetheless I hope someone will read this and check into my suggestions and get back with me. I'm almost certain I've singehandedly solved the problem.

And for the record, I do recycle and I grow zucchini in our garden. Yeah, I'm doing my part, so when the Earth crumbles into a scorched ball of ash, it won't be entirely my fault.


javamamma said...

My mantra during winters in Nebraska is precisely that, "Global warming?!?!?!" Whatever.

Ronnica said...

You should take a picture of the "stop global warming" sign in the snow and ice.

Cindy said...

I think the parachute pants are the best idea I've heard in a long time! Those are COOL!

Big Doofus said...

I think it's ironic that Air Conditioners contribute to global warming. It looks like we're in for it no matter WHAT we do.

Marmee said...

Scott, only you could bring up parachute pants, Duran Duran and "global warming" in one post and make some sense! Well, maybe not scientific sense, but it made we laugh and that's all that really matters.

My 2 cents, here is this: God is in complete control of His creation. Adam and Eve started Global warming most likely at the Fall, if we want to start pointing fingers, which I like to do. But we still have to be a teeny bit responsible for the job God gave Adam, which has been handed to us, and that is to be good stewards of the earth and all its inhabitants. And if we, mankind as a whole, are doing things to mess it up, we need to figure out what we are doing wrong and try to correct it. I'm thinking all those chemicals and strange brews that they dump into the earth's oceans aren't that good for us. I'm just glad that God is in control and won't allow us to go beyond what we can handle.

And I'm not a tree hugger or a green freak. I just live amongst them!!

Marie said...

Global Warming??!! Someone should inform the people in charge of Minnesota weather!! For 2 weeks straight it has been below zero both day and night. This morning it was -14, but that has warmed to -4 at noon. Not as bad as Friday night when it was -28 at 10 p.m.!!!!! This is actual temperatures people! Bring on the Global warming wouldya? lol


Jenny said...

I loved your post today! Especially the part about the squirrels (and the parachute pants part too). It's really hard to believe the Earth is warming on days like today. It's ridiculously cold! I say that God is in control and that what will be, will be (but we still do our part to take care of the land God has given us to live in). I'll begin to worry when summers set ridiculous heat records and winters in Nebraska are similar to San Antonio.