"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Sunday, January 27, 2008

There's Something In The Water

For our anniversary, I had the genius idea of celebrating by doing nothing that my wife really wanted to do.

Now that I write that, I can see there might have been a flaw in the plan. Funny how hindsight works.

She wanted to get away to a nice hotel where someone else cleans. I wanted to stay home in our home for free.

Strike One.

So while she went and dropped the kids off at a friend's house for the weekend, I stayed home to vacuum and dust and mop some floors so she could come home to a beautiful home that would make the fanciest hotel look like my college dorm room.

I dug some scented candles out of the back of a cabinet and lit them to fill the home with the aroma of love. Evidently, Aroma-Of-Love-Scented candles are kept in the back of the cabinet and are never to be used because they give Cindy headaches, and she's not fond of headaches.

Strike Two.

Perhaps the jacuzzi tub upstairs filled and heated and waiting for her would be just what she needs to relax and soothe her aching muscles. Rumor has it that when you haven't used the jets in the tub for a year or more, they develop some kind of gunky residue that contains who-knows-what diseases. So as my wife sat in the tub and peacefully pushed the jet button, in a matter of seconds, she was coated with slime and filth unbefitting a restful anniversary soak in the tub. I heard her shrieks from across the house and first mistook them for shrieks of delight and glee. Turns out she doesn't appreciate being coated with slime as much as some people do.

Strike Three

It really is a wonder we have made it to the 14-year mark. I'm not the smartest husband, nor the most sentimental (though I did cry at the movie we saw this afternoon, P.S. I Love You).

I'm not even going to write about strikes four, five, six or seven, because I don't want to lose the remaining ounce of respect a couple of you have for me.

Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be writing a tribute to my lovely, forgiving, patient, forgiving, beautiful, forgiving, sweet, forgiving wife.


javamamma said...

I'm looking forward to that tribute. Happy Anniversary.

David said...

Happy anniversary to both of you!

Cindy said...

There is no one else I'd want to have this weekend with, even with smelly candles and bathtub yuck. You gave me many wonderful moments. I love you. And I love you for trying. :)

Emily said...

Thanks for making me laugh. I have this awful Mexican cough and sore throat. (as opposed to the US kind I normally get) and my throat is SO sore....but I had to laugh out loud.

the jet thing? happened to us too. (not combined with an anniversary gift or anything though....you're ALL alone on that one.)

Tech Daddy said...

Happy Anniversary.

Gayle said...

Good to know you're not the TOTAL super hero Cindy always says you are! There's always the second-chance "week after the anniversary" where you can redeem yourself.


Iris Flavia said...

Hehe :-) Bet it was a happy one non-the-less!

Tyna said...

Oh, you poor guy (snicker, snicker)! Happy Anniversary anyway!

Scott said...

Gee. You sound like you are terrific, and Cindy is very lucky to have you! What wonderful intentions and ideas you had. I sure do hope she rewards you well with some nice dinner like your favorite tuna casserole or perhaps a nice strawberry cheesecake. And let's you take a nap.

Mr. E said...

Happy Anniversary!

Leeann said...

Thanks to Big Doofus, I am beginning to explore the world of "male bloggers."
I am loving the difference in writing style and approaches to certain things. :)
This post sounds exactly like something my husband would do. Happy Anniversary!