"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Art of Understanding Women...

I really enjoyed reading the comments left on my post about marriage and women with their lip moisturizer.

I would love to install some one-way glass in the walls of our classrooms at church. It would be very enlightening just to sit in the next room and “spy” on ladies during their Bible studies.

We men hear all these stories about how great Beth Moore is as a teacher, and I have these images in my head of a room of 80+ women watching “Bethie” on a DVD and taking copious notes. Then, when the video is over, they talk and share and pour out words from scriptures all over each other, right?

I’m starting to guess that if I had been observing these women, I might have seen a lot more than that. We’ve already stumbled upon the Lip Moisturizer Phenomenon (LMP). And someone mentioned the mass sharing of gum. What other characteristic behaviors might I expect to witness?

Here’s my uninformed, chauvinistic stab at it:

Everyone arrives, trickling in. I imagine that women who spent 2 1/2 hours deciding what to wear will respond to compliments with “I really had nothing to wear today, so I just threw this old rag on.”

Likewise, those who labored over their hair and tried literally 237 variations of clippies, scrunchies, curls, bangs and what-not will assert that “Ugh. My hair. This is the only thing I can do with it.”

Then there will be the sharing of pens or pencils with those who cannot find any in their cavernous wheeled handbags. However, those who could not find writing utensils WERE able to find gum or mints to share in order not to feel like complete mooches. If they are gum- and mint-less, they will make the mental note to buy those items in bulk next week so they can throw them around like they’re in a parade.

Once the video starts, I assume the first thirteen minutes are spent whispering covetous comments about Bethie’s hair and/or clothing and whether or not Target sells any of the set d├ęcor in the background.

Then there’s a short break while the women actually watch and/or listen to the video.

In a few moments, though, the relationship timer goes off and the women will once again need to whisper or make facial expressions that speak silent paragraphs to each others.

And most likely, someone will realize that no one has broken out the chapstick yet, so the whole lip-moisturization carnival goes into full swing.

I could go on, but rather than speculate about what goes on behind closed doors, I’m curious how honest my female readers are willing to be.

Whether it’s a Bible study, some gals gathering around a pub table at Starbucks, or mommies sharing a park bench during a play date, what else are you ladies doing when men aren’t watching?


Big Doofus said...

They chew tobacco and belch. I'm 85% certain of it.

mrshoppes said...

We talk about poop, childbirth, breastfeeding, tantrums, potty training, coffee, chocolate, rashes, teething, and how our husbands love to chip in and help out and how appreciative we are of them.

javamamma said...

I'd say mrshoppes comment about sums it up. Yep.

Emily said...

I for one do NOT talk about poop and potty training.

My youngest child is 8 for goodness sake!

But we talk about S*x a whole lot more than our husbands would believe. At least to our closest most treasured friends.

We also talk about our fears a lot and hoping we're doing a good job. That's a big one. Especially for Christian women.

Stretch Mark Mama said...

What you need to marvel at is the sheer quantity and depth and breadth of topics that women can cover in mere minutes. Mind-boggling. And they all can follow the conversation, no matter how rambling.


I agree with everyone above. Even Big Doofus. On top of all this, we can have a complete conversation with only facial expressions. Much like men can have an entire conversation just muttering the word "Dude" with different inflections.

Gayle said...

BWAAHHAHAH!! Big Doofus has us all figured out. ;)