"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Day The Music Died...Was Born...Whatever

I acknowledge that this could be the death of my blog. After all, most of my posts have a certain depth that resonates with the elite readership that my blog has attracted over the last several months.

But since my family will be closely following the contestants of American Idol for the next gazillion weeks, I might as well use this blog to discuss these weighty matters.

Other people are much more qualified to comment on the musical talent and vocal capabilities of the contestants. Therefore, I will do my best to share my opinions of things you really don't care about.
First of all, Paula was wearing some kind of orthopedic/therapuetic gloves. Perhaps there is some carpal tunel action going on, but our prayers are with her, and hopefully she will heal quickly. In fact, with mine and Cindy's prayers going up this moment for Paula's wrists, I think I can say with confidence that the gloves will be gone tomorrow night.

Tonight all the contestants are singing songs from the years of their birth. Should be interesting.

Ramielle continued a trend we've been seeing a lot of this season. It seems that pulling your pants up really high (or wearing high-waisted pants lots of buttons) is all the craze. I don't want to sound like some effeminate fashion guru from E!, but I worry for my daughters who may pick up on this. I know my girls can watch people smoke, cuss and kill on TV and not mimic those behaviors, but I truly fear for what would happen if they copied the styles of some of these contestants. It's ALMOST enough to make me not let them watch this show.

Jason Castro surprised me by singing some song from 1984 that I had never heard before. I was hoping for "Islands In The Stream," so this was an absolute disappointment. Not even "Yah Mo B There" or "99 Luftballons?" On a positive note, I'm getting close to the point of not calling him Whoopie Goldberg anymore with those dreadlocks and all.

Syesha brought back the kinky hair tonight and sang another song I'm unfamiliar with, "If I Was Your Woman." As an English major, I became more than a little hung-up on the way the subjunctive tense was tied up like a hog in a pit. But if this were a grammar competition, I'm sure we all recognize that Syesha could still whip the tar out of Paula who committed no fewer than 50 verbal misdemeanors and got away without so much as a warning.

Chikizie continued the theme of singing songs I have never heard before. Evidently the births of these singers coincide perfectly with a period of my life that intense nuero-therapy has enabled my brain to successfully block, namely "middle school."(Yes, I caught that split infinitive.) My only comment on his segment is that the lower part of his suit coat looked like a flock of birds had pooped on it. I doubt that they really did, because I understand that with modern technology we can recreate the look of bird poop at a mere 50 times the cost.

Brooke had a horrifying moment when she started her song on the wrong note or something and had to start over. The fact that she didn't just stop and bang her head against the piano keys while saying, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" clearly proves that she deserves to be in the top 10.

Michael Johns. I'm just going to say he reminds me of Billy Crystal. Please tell me someone else sees this too.

Carly, the Dubliner, showed off childhood pictures of her wickedly curly hair. Carly, if you bring back the fro, I will vow to call and vote for you for two hours straight. I so dare you. And "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is perhaps the best song ever created. If it were up to me, I would make her the automatic winner just for picking the world's greatest song. It's all downhill from here for everyone else.

David Archuleta is so fresh from the womb that the songs from his birth year are too hip and new for me or Cindy to know. I'm just impressed that someone as young as he is can walk and speak, much less hold a microphone and sing.

Kristy Lee scared me with the choice "Proud To Be An American," but the judges loved the pick. I guess I was just projecting and worrying that she would be as poorly received as I was the last time that I sang it. Perhaps the difference is that she can sing. Perhaps.

To wrap up the night, David Cook sang some ROCK song that I didn't recognize...at first. Then, near the end, I thought I heard the words "Billie Jean is not my lover." I rewound the DVR to confirm that he was in fact making Michael Jackson relevant again. Even though I'm doing my best not to comment about the actual singing competition, I'm coming up with a list of songs that I think David could turn into rock songs that would make me actually buy his CD. Here are a few of my suggestions: "The Hallulujah Chorus," "Kum Ba Ya," "Braham's Lullaby," "The Good Ship Lollipop," and the theme song from "The Golden Girls."
So there you have my recap of sorts.
I hope it made your life richer.


Melzie said...

wow loved reading your observations. Esp. about Paula's grammar criminal activity ;) xoxo melzie

Stacy said...

oh my word! this made me laugh so hard.

and i'm not even WATCHING american idol.


now i want to tune in just so i can observe these things for myself!


Jenny said...

I'm a big fan of the song Total Eclipse of the Heart, so I was thrilled that Carly sang that. I gave her way more credit than the judges did. I liked everything about it except that last note. I love Brooke and the song she sang is another of my old faves. And, I am totally cracking up about David Cook singing Good Ship Lollipop. That is funny!

Huse Blog is it Anyway? said...

you won't lose a single reader with this post. As a matter of fact, your readership MIGHT increase! Great commentary...definitely gives us variety among all opinions.

Now I'm super-concerned with my grammar. Thanks. Is super-concerned even hyphenated? See, you make me want to spell check/grammar check/whatever check everything I write.

All right, I'm off to watch AI and comment on my blog.

(do I get extra credit for not spelling it "alright?")

javamamma said...

So, happy Easter week (since it's over already and everything)! And Happy Birthday-week!

Since we missed American Idol last night I was glad for the commentaries. Thanks for keeping non-DVR owners up to speed!

ET said...

I am a grammar queen, but for the life of me I cannot recall what a split infinitive is, nor can I find it in your writing! Help - being a SAHM is frying my brain!!!

Annette said...

I somehow feel compelled to buy some new gloves for church on Sunday. And, wasn't Paula wearing leather pants as well? All I have to say is this week was 100% better than Beatles week twice!

Linda said...

Hilarious. Please come on over and share my musings. I'm a former English major who lives by the wisdom of Alice Kahn (whoever she is): "The best writing advice I've ever heard: 'Don't write like you went to college.'" Billy Crystal? Yes! I have also made celebrity comparisons in previous AI re-caps. Have a great day in the mornin'.

Hilty Sprouts! said...

I'm sorry to say I don't see the Billy Crystal connection but... Jason Castro is the spitting image of a young John Travolta (minus the dreds of course).

Headless Mom said...

Great recap!

Although I'm scared to comment here because of the frightening grammatical errors that you catch. I, too, was an English major, but obviously very poorly educated in that arena. Well, probably all of them, just in case you were wondering!

Halfmoon Girl said...

I am so with you on Carlie's hair. I don't even think Canadians can vote, but I would perhaps drive the 2 hours across the border just to do it if only she would let loose with her hair! I finally figured out what song David Cook was singing right near the end when I heard the Billy Jean line too. Anything to do with Michael Jackson gives me a bit of the heebie jeebies, but I thought it was cool. I read Cindy's American Idol post in a commercial break while I was watching the show myself, so felt like I had insider info on what was coming up next that night.