"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Hi, My Name Is Scott, and...

I have a problem.

My wife told me about a recent Oprah show; I don't know that she saw it, but she must have caught a glimpse of the home of the "hoarder" that was Oprah's guest. This was a woman who must be a lot like me. I can't throw anything away.

Nor can I PUT anything away. I must leave it out just in case I need it...14 years from now.

I spoke with my secretary today, and next week I've committed to cleaning my office.


I actually put it in print, and now both of my readers can hold me accountable as well.

Being a climate-controlled room--as opposed to my nasty garage which will always be either too hot or too cold to work in and clean--my office is a room I can go ahead and do some spring cleaning in even if the weather outside is frightful. So I'll have no excuse not to get this done some day next week.

A few of the things that may or may not survive the purge (either to be trashed or transplanted some place else):

*Scarecrows and other decorations from our church's pumpkin patch

*A giant bottle of vinegar

*Two briefcases with combinations that no one knows

*A box of rubber gloves

*Junk mail from 2003

*A tin of wheat rolls from Christmas (now I'll probably keep these, because it's kind of a practical joke of sorts. I'm sure I'm not the only one who understands this, right?)

*A pirate treasure chest or two

*Two basketballs

*A microphone stand

*12 basketball uniforms

*5 sample carpet squares

*10 bamboo sticks, about 5 feet long

*A guitar I haven't played for 2 years

*A pirate costume

*2 giant latex aprons from a science lab

*A large tupperware cake box

*A collapsible soccer goal

*A power drill

*A deflated mylar birthday balloon from last year

I don't know. Now that I scan the office and notice all of these things, I really don't know that I can get rid of any of it. Maybe it all just needs to be organized better.


Emily said...


remember that first year i worked for you and cleaned your office while you were at camp?

remember how i never attempted that again? :)

Scott said...


Valerie said...

Scott, you have a problem if you can't even toss the balloon or the briefcases that no one can possibly use because no one can open them :-) We'll be praying for you out here in NC because it sound like it's going to be painful!

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

I am bursting into the Hallelujah Chorus here. Your secretary is officially my favorite person on the planet if she really gets you to do this. Readers, please hold this man accountable!!

Don't you DARE bring any of that junk home with you. Or put it in your car.

Big Doofus said...

If you want to get rid of the guitar contact me. My son is borrowing mine and we need to get another one.

Do you own the rubber gloves or do you rent them? (That's a Fletch joke)

ET said...

Ummm, sounds like the inventory list of a youth pastor???

Emily said...

the pirate chest...or two.

that did it. CLEAN man...CLEAN.

burning4eternity said...

Scott, reading through that list I was thinking about your McGyver daughter and wondered what she, or your faithful readers could create from such a list.

Either that, or take all the items, spit the pile in half and place each half in one of the two treasure boxes and make it a prize for one your now infamous contests

javamamma said...

I generally clean my hubby's office out while he's on mission trips. And if I don't tell him how many boxes I hauled off - he never guesses. ;)

Anonymous said...

My advice is to donate everything or sell it on Craigslist. It always helps me knowing someone else is using it or I'm making money off of it! Selling stuff is contagious!