"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Can We Just Crown David Cook And End This Thing?

I hope I get this post done in time for it to make a huge difference in your life. I got back home late from hanging out at the neighbors with Father Rich who came over for a good Catholic house blessing. After praying together and coming home to put the kids to bed, Cindy and I whipped out our respective typing devices, pressed play on the DVR and prepared for night with American Idol and Neil Diamond, who has the highest-arched eybrows of any AI mentor since Andrew Llloyd Weber last week.

Tonight I will choose to address the contestants personally in the event that they read my blog. (It could happen.)

Jason Castro, if you come back next week, I want you to throw out all the mellow songs and beat us up with some angry piece with your eyebrows furrowed and your lips pursed with emotion. Try it..or anything different from the last twentyleven songs that all seem the same.

David Cook, you did an all right job with the first song. Picking the less-heard songs is smart, especially if you make them as cool and current as you do. You are ready for selling CDs; just put all these songs from the last several weeks on an album and slip it in my mailbox, thank you very much.

Brooke, unlike David who made his songs sound contemporary and relative, you've sung like this was the 70's or 80's. And while you might've been able to sell a lot of songs back then, I worry about the marketability of those cassettes today. You definitely did better on "I Am I Said," in spite of the fact that I don't know how to diagram the sentence that is that song. Usually, the word "forgettable" is a bad one when describing a performance, but I'm about to ask Cindy to hit me over the head with a frying pan so I CAN forget that first performance. I know you're a good singer, but sometimes your songs conceal that fact.

David Archuletta in your striped t-shirt and sneakers, your first performance was perfect...for a Neil Diamond-themed episode of the Mickey Mouse Club. And then "America" would be great for Epcot. You did fantastic, but if your career doesn't include Disney I will be shocked beyond recognition. You need to do what I recommended for Jason: sing an angry song, maybe about an ex-lover...or a babysitter-gone-bad.

Syesha, you gave me a taste of what Neil Diamond would've been like had he been born a girl...and black...and with a set of pipes that can really sing. I noticed you were barefoot, and I'm guessing that was imposed on you by the directors in the event you hopped up on a piano for the umpteenth time.

It must be noted that the judges did no judging during the first round of songs, but they DID make general comments at the end of that first round while all of the contestant stood together. Dear, sweet, vicotin-laced Paula commented on BOTH of Jason's songs, even though he'd only sung ONE. I remember when my grandma started losing her mental faculties, and I do so hope that Paula has loved ones like Erma did who will build onto their house so she can live with them and be cared for. We're praying for you, Paula!
Going home?
Brooke or Jason. Either one. I'm not picky. They're both great singers and well-deserving of 4th or 5th place in a national singing competition with millions of voters.


Tammy said...

"mental faculties"

Choking on my own saliva here. I did my own DVR play by play too. I agree let's just crown Cook and be done with it.

Pajama Mama said...

Misread your title at first and was quite confused as to why you'd want to get rid of our favorite David.

We needed the weed eaters tonight. Why aren't they heeding our pleas?


Suzie said...

You crack me up! Your review makes me laugh every week. Thanks.

Steph said...


And yes, it's possible that they might read your blog...and if they do, I think they'll find great advice!

I am just at a loss for words on the whole night, I might not even blog about it. *sigh*

David Cook, then little David and we're done with it. I could skip the next 4 weeks personally and be fine.

Sister Honey Bunch said...

You are funny! I feel bad for Brooke because the thing she has going for her right now is her pretty smile. She sings ok, but she needs to quit arguing with the judges.

Kate said...

Ha Ha Ha!!! Great post...agree 1000%! :)

Tamara said...

You and Cindy seriously crack me up. Love your AI recaps.

Headless Mom said...

Scott- Thank you for saying my Disney comment this week. Archie really should just be a Mousketeer. Ad I also agree that we should crown DC and have this be over with!

Christy said...

Oh, you make me laugh. I'm so glad I came across your blog - thanks to an American Idol fetish. I'm hoping we're done with the theme nights - do they pollute the top 4 competition as well? Can't remember. But I don't want it "over with" yet - because I wan't to hear David C a few more times.