"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I-I-I-I-I-I Will Always Love You, Dolly P.

It's not everyday that you get to see a bunch of teens and twenty-somethings dancing around singing old Dolly Parton songs.

Thank goodness.
They could NEVER be as awesome as Dolly.

Remember, if you were hoping for honest-to-goodness critiques of voices and singing quality, I'm sure there are better reviews linked over at BooMama. HERE is where you can get your best non-singing related AI info.

Because Chikeze left last week, I'll now be able to save about 12 minutes writing this post. That's about how much time was spent last week searching online for how to spell his name correctly, and I'm sure I still got it wrong. I'm also crossing my fingers on Syesha and Archuleta.

Brooke got all folksy with her guitar once more and delighted us with a nice country song. I'm assuming it's country, not only because it's a Dolly song, but also because it begged "Jolene, please don't take my man." Puh-lease. If Jolene's fixin' to take your man, do you really say "please" or do you key their car and carve your name in the leather seats in their SUV like my friend Carrie Underwood?

David Cook sang "Little Sparrow" which I didn't know, and still don't, because I spent the entire song trying to figure out what looks different about him. Maybe an eyebrow waxing? Something different with his goatee? Then Paula helped me solve the mystery: he uncovered more of his generous forehead than ever before. And it looked so much better than that comb-over he's been sporting since Day 1. He's quite handsome...for a guy, you know.

Ramiele just can't let go of the high-waisted clothing. Maybe that's the work of her stylist, or maybe she shops with friends who are jealous and trying to sabotage her by telling her that's what's in. Of course, listening to a 37-year-old man talk about what's "in" on his blog is a lot like listening to Simon Cowell talk about tactfulness.

In the video clip before his song, Jason Castro got his dreadlocks fondled by Dolly Parton. It made me feel a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable for Jason to have an older woman running her fingers through his hair on national television, and uncomfortable for Dolly knowing that she had to be kind and not wipe her hands off on her apron in front of Jason.

I'm typing this right now before Carly sings. Let me make a prediction: sleeveless Tattoo-baring blouse?
Yup! I WIN! My daughter just asked, "Are there ways to get a tattoo off?" I'm sure there are, but I'll just say no so she won't be tempted to get one. But, dear daughter, if you DO get a tattoo, don't get a whole head emblazoned on your upper arm. It reminds me of Kuato, that alien poking out of the guy's chest in "Total Recall."

I'm telling you, my predictions are usually right, and if they continue to be, then you WILL see David Archuleta dressed as Aladdin on a magic carpet in a parade in Orlando. He will total ROCK on Main Street! Honestly, I think his voice is so young and rich and would be sweet for voices in Disney movies. He DID sing about Jesus, so I'll be nice about the argyle tonight.

Christy Lee, being the most country of the crew, I expected to really shine tonight. And once I translate Randy's "wheelhouse" comment, I'll know if she did or not. I dunno, maybe it had something to do with that ginormous blue orb in the center of her dress.

Syesha sang "I Will Always Love You," the only song of the night that I'd ever heard before. Now that it's in my head, I'll be singing it all night and in the shower in the morning and in the car on the way to work and all through my meetings tomorrow. I'm really pretty good on this song, but I'm sure you would guess that I do it more like Whitney Houston than Dolly because of my particular vocal training.

Australian Michael may have been the biggest Dolly fan in the bunch, and that was kind of sweet. But the Thurston Howell ascot around his neck was a little incongruous with the song and style. Once again, though, I'm not the best person to speak on fashion, so if you want to wear an ascot to work or school tomorrow, have at it. Just don't come crying to me if you lose all of your friends.

Can't wait for tomorrow to see Dolly sing. She is awesome, and when old ladies rock, it makes me want to grow old too. If we could all age like Dolly, wouldn't this be an interesting world?


javamamma said...

Interesting comments and observations. I agree, Dolly and the dreadlocks...weird.

Tamara said...

Oh, you're too funny. I enjoyed your take on things!

Travis said...

Very good insight, Scott.

And we will all be singing " And IIIIII.....Yee........IIIIII....will always..."

...all night...

crittyjoy said...

Oh my goodness...I am still laughing over your dreads comment... I enjoyed reading your view :o)

Huse Blog is it Anyway? said...

I'm so glad I read your blog.

The tv we have with TiVo has no volume as of last night. So, I didn't get to hear any of tonight's show. :-(

Your post at least gives me the important details.

As always, Scott, thanks for the superb informational blogging! What WOULD I do without you!?

Sara said...

not only did you make me laugh out loud several times, I was totally with you at least 99.9 percent. Thanks for the entertainment!

Come Check Out Mine Please

Annette said...

Age like Dolly? I'm pretty sure she's had a TON of plastic surgery. I'm guessin' I could look that good too. You know, come to think of it, Dolly and I have a lot in common...up top, you know!

Linda said...

I'm howling at the "Thurston Howell" remark. You are the only other blogger I read who makes as many extraneous comments.

Monica said...

Scott, you crack me up!!

Whenever my kids ask about tatoos I remind them that one day there are going to be lots and lots of saggy, wrinkly people in the nursing homes with tatoos who won't even remember what it is a picture of. Gross.