"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Saturday, April 26, 2008

A Little Soul Searching

Occasionally it's fun to do a little research on what brings visitors to my blog.

I've narrowed it down to a few main reasons:

1) Some close personal friends and family members feel obligated.
2) They got suckered into hitting the link on my dear wife's blog.
3) They perform a Google search for any number of random, crazy things, and since my blog is random and crazy, they find themselves here wasting precious time that they end up wishing they could get back.

Often, based on those Google searches, it's obvious that there are some deep probing questions keeping visitors awake at night. From the past week or so, here are some of the deeper, probing-er questions and topics.

"Oh where is my hairbrush?"
Last I checked, it was under the passenger seat in the minivan, next to a petrified chicken nugget. Next!

"how to turn your jerk husband into a nice person"
Essentially, Google has saved your marriage by sending you here. As soon as I get back from taking my wife to White Castle for some burgers and onion chips for her birthday, I'll get right on working up an answer for ya'.

"how do i know if i have salmonella"
I'm flattered to think that you would seek my professional opinion on a serious medical issue. I think the definitive answer to your question involves an autopsy on your corpse. But I was just discussing with some friends how we all look forward to performing an emergency tracheotomy with a ball point pen in unsanitary conditions. Just a matter of time.

"wife finger in bellybutton"
I can't for the life of me imagine what in the world leads one to type those words at google.com. I assume it's a typo. What you were trying to search for was "what makes scott so cool" or possibly "handsome men who blog." Those letters are all so close on the keyboard. We all make little mistakes like that.

"honey my children ate me"
Clearly, the title of my blog would make it come up in this particular search, but I would suggest that if you find yourself a victim of cannibalization, it perhaps might better serve you to dial 9-1-1 instead of reading my latest insights on American Idol. We all value life differently I guess.

Whether it's Google that brings you here or just really bad judgment, welcome one and all.

Stay tuned for some upcoming mind-numbingly exciting details from our most recent softball adventures.


javamamma said...

Well, I keep coming back because I need my daily dose of wisdom. My IQ has gone up dramatically since you started blogging. :)

mom huebert said...

I wanted to leave a witty, insightful comment based on the witty, insightful things you have said, but all I can do is laugh. So, in the words of an old sight word reader, "Ha, ha," laughed the kitty. "Ha, ha, ha."

Beth said...

Hey, I'm here for the American Idol talk...found you off of Boomama's blog. Oh, I'll go ahead and read your thoughtful, substantial posts, too. But I have to focus on what's truly important.


Nicole Hearn said...

I subscribe via Google Reader so you probably don't have record of my visits, but I was originally here via friendofafriendofafriendofafriend referral.

Big Doofus said...

Here are a few things I've noticed about the people that come to my blog:

1. Most of them read it on Tuesdays. I'm not sure why. Does this make any sense at all?

2. Many folks have visited my site to learn about "Cat Ping" the new Coors vented wide mouth beer can, and coney dogs.

3. Someone consistently googles the term "make your own pope hat" and ends up at my site.

Shelley said...

Well, I didn't find your blog through Google, but I do want to say thanks for taking the time to blog--your wife's blog didn't disappoint with the link to her funny husband.

I should probably go make sure my 5 year old hasn't starved to death...it's probably a good thing for me my "DH" is an addiction counselor/minister or this blogging thing might truly overtake me.

THEhooahwife said...

Well. I read a friends blog, followed a link to her friends blog, followed a link there to Morning into Dancing (jess) and she had a link to Cindy's blog, and so I saw your blog on there as well!

And that, my friend, is how I became a reader. Lol