"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Final Idol Interviews

totally fictional (that means "not true")

I had the distinct pleasure of sitting down with a couple of Davids inside the Los Angeles Motel 6 where the Idol Contestants are staying. It was surreal to be with both of them here in this final week of season 7. I don't know how they found the time to meet with me, but I suppose the publicity they knew they'd get from my blog trumped the E! offer that they turned down.

Just as I imagined, David Cook played more the role of the father figure while David Archuletta was the glassy-eyed teenager giggling at palm trees and bikinis: "We don't have those in Utah."
ME: I know you two must hear a lot of stupid jokes about having the same name.

DC: Yeah. It gets old, all the prophets proclaiming that "David will definitely win this year."

DA: I think Syesha still has a chance though. (smile)

(It's hard to tell if David A. is being funny or doesn't remember that Syesha's gone. He speaks of other booted contestants in the present tense as if they still exist as well.)

ME: You both have distinct styles and probably appeal to different audiences. Describe the audience you think is out there ready to buy your CDs once they hit the stores.

DA: Judging by the response from the audience INSIDE the theater where we've performed, I'm led to believe that my fans consist of high-pitched preteen blond girls with their arms in the air [nervous giggle]. But I think, given my heritage, I probably appeal to some brunettes as well, and at least a couple of redheads in Utah, Idaho and Nicaragua.

ME: What's your fan base like, Cook?

DC: Two words: Cool People. Like you.

(that's four words.)

ME: How do you feel about giving me a sneak peak at Tuesday night's performances?

DA: I'm pretty much going to be doing a lot of the same stuff I've done all along.

ME: So I can assume you'll be wearing a muted colored t-shirt with assymetical prints? And maybe dark pants?

DA: Pretty much. But I'll mix it up a bit with a dressier jacket than normal. First, I'm singing Forest Whitaker's "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me." I watched it on YouTube to learn it. And I totally predict that Paula will get chills, and Simon will say it might be the best I've done so far. Then I will hyperventilate during the commercial break.

(note: I've looked everywhere for a link to Forest singing this on Saturday Night Live. Can't find it, but if anyone does, LET ME KNOW. It had me laughing for hours when I should have been sleeping.)

ME: And Cook, can we expect some surprises from you Tuesday night?

DC: Instead of having my bangs swooped over and a face with angst mixed with indifference all over it, I think I'll stick the hair up a little more. But I'm keeping the angst.

ME: (sarcastically) Ooooh.

DC: Ah, but what you WON'T expect will be more jackets with extraneous buttons and straps. I'm singing "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" as my first song.

ME: How 'bout Round Two?

DC: Well, I'm going to mess up the words slightly on "Dream Big," but no one may notice but you since no one's ever heard the song. It won't be my best, but I'll work the leather jacket like there's no tomorrow, because I'm still cool.

DA: And I've got a sweeter, Whitney Houston-sounding song "In This Moment." But I'll make it work by holding out some super looooooong notes. People like that, especially the hand-raising prepubescents in the mosh pit.

ME: Now what I can't wait for is the songs you choose for yourselves. Can you reveal your final selections?

DC: "The World I Know." I hope people are patient and wade through the first laborious verse. Now that I think about it, I'm starting to have second thoughts. I'm sure I'll do fine, but what if it doesn't wow the judges. I'll probably just cry cathartically at the end, and Simon will probably hate the song choice but profess his love for me.

DA: I'm doing the theme from "Three's Company" for my final song. So I have to learn three new songs for Tuesday night. If we get to Monday, and I haven't had time to learn all three well, I'll probably cut "Three's Company" and do "Imagine" that I'd already learned for a previous week.

ME: Archuletta, what do you think you'll say in response to the judges' praise?

DA: Uh...uhmmm...

ME: I can't wait to see the show! Thanks for taking the time to give us a taste of what to expect! Now why don't you boys go get ready. If you need extra shampoo or shoe shine cloths, let me know; I can run to the lobby for you.


Well, there you have it. I don't know if things will go exactly as the David's have planned. They often make last minute changes to keep everyone on their toes. But we'll see soon, won't we? My predictions? David A. will outshine David C. in some ways, but every time I seem him get speechless and teary and choking, I'll wonder how can this guy do tours and concerts and live this life and not check into rehab in less than 5 months? David C., on the other hand, is ready to be hit hard by the business and bust some chops.

Bring it on.

And if you care to read recaps and insights from people who DIDN'T get face-to-face interviews with the contestants at a Motel 6, check out Boomama's Mr. Linkies. As always, my wife tells it like it is in her recap as well while throwing in pictures of her pretend boyfriend from 90210. It's a good thing I'm not insecure.


Linda said...

You are a hoot. You and Cinday come on over to my blog to see my season highlights.

Christy said...

You crack me up. Great write up. Glad to know I'm "cool" because I'm stickin with David C.

Suzie said...

I don't even know you but you crack me up...and I didn't get to watch the finale, so thank for the scoop.

Tammy said...

"Come and knock on our door.....
We've been waiting for you......
Where the kisses are hers and hers and his,
Three's company too."

Yea, good thing he went with the Beatles.

Funny, funny post man! As usual.

JenB said...

Funny guy. I didn't get to watch---power went out---so thanks for the recap!

Melzie said...

Yay I've waited all my life to be 'cool' :) David Cook made me cool ;) :D ROFL xoxo melzie

Marmee said...

Too funny, you never disappoint me with your American Idol recaps. I shall miss them when AI wraps up tomorrow. Now I shall have absolutely NOTHING to watch on TV this week. Heavy sigh.

Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...

This solidifies the fact that our families will camp. and laugh. and camp. and laugh some more.

everytime I write ea comment I say you crack me up.

Guess what?

you crack me up.