"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

MAD About American Idol

It was a strong risk to invite readers yesterday to supply me with random words to fit into tonight's live-blog on American Idol.

If you're not familiar with Mad-Libs, then I apologize for how ridiculously obtuse this canary is going to appear. Actually, I shouldn't have to apologize; you can blame those crazy commenters who chose the words I'm forced to include.

Tonight on American Idol, there remain 4 superheroes who will be sauteeing on the Idol stage for millions of fans who will be watching strangely with phone in hand, waiting for the end of the show when they can cast their votes.

Even though I feel passionately about David Cook's pernicious awesomeness, I fear that I'm not entrenched in pop culture enough to go to all the effort of actually dialing and voting. However, if nobody else does a burnt sienna job tonight and deserves to get sent packing, I may be forced to call finally. We'll see.

The show's about ready to punch, so I better go check on the screaming children outside and see if they need a tourniquet or elephant saddle or other life-saving medical aparatuseses.
[it would thrill my heart if the phrase "the show's about ready to punch" catches on as much as "WYTAW" did.]

David Cook just told me (and others) that he's counterintuitively selected "Hungry Like The Three-Toed Sloth" by my 8th-Grade Girlfriend's favorite band, Duran-Duran. He sang it pretty straight like Simon LeBon would if he were there, and our portly judges were as disapointed as I was that he didn't mix it up more. The good news is that Duran Squared went ahead and made their songs perfect to begin with. In honor of 8th-grade crushes, could you do a little REO Speedwagon next week, David?

Syesha came out looking (and sounding) like Ethel Merman and wowed us with "Proud Mary." She had some serious choreography worked up for this number, and it worked for her. Of course, the song's a bit cliche and overdone, but if there's ever a Broadway show about the life of Tina Turner, Syesha could do it...that or the part Angela Lansbury played in Sweeney Todd.

Jason is singing a song by his dread-brother Bob Marley, "I Shot The Sheriff." I'm not digging it at all, and not just because I oppose brutality towards public servants. He may have had Marley's hair, but the stuff that was skulking out of his mouth was Paul Simon (of Simon and Garfunkle, not the Illinois senator with the good bowtie). I think David Cook is safe thanks to what is possibly the worst Jason Castro performance EVER.

David Archuletta, all dudded up nicely in the black t-shirt and black jeans, looks like he's headed back after his performance to change scenery and pull ropes for the curtains. I've said before that he's destined for greatness at The Taj Mahal, and his rendition of "Stand By Me" was polished and well-done enough to earn him a fine spot in the parade.

----Round Two-----
David Cook's second song about the "teenage wasteland," was classic Cook and worthy of deviled eggs for sure. Of course, it took me a few moments of contemplating the "teenage WAISTLINE" before I finally understood the lyrics and developed the proper angst necessary for the song.

Jason's purple song, "Mr. Tambourine Ma..."...wait...he's forgotten the words and he just filled in with ah ah ah ah ah. He shot the giraffe in the first song, but he may have just shot himself in the foot in this one. Ouch. (The "ouch" was for the painful pun I just used.)

Syesha got a little civil rights groove going with "A Change Is Gonna Come." It seemed to be a very personal song for her, and there was no end to the superfluous tears that gushed during the judging. I want to be respectful of her performance since it was so emotional for her. The whole thing was fine except for the peekaboo cleavage and the horridly looooooooong nooooooooooote heeeeeeeeeeeld ouuuuuuuuuuuuut neeeeeeeeeear thheeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeend. To that I say, Gesundheit! (but only because the MadLib rules say I HAVE to).

Hee hee hee. David Archuletta is singing "Love Me Tender." It was sweet and picturesque. I take back what I've said before about his career being limited to the wonderful world of Disney. I shall now ammend his career prognostication to include a series of lullaby cd's.

Going home? Jason, please be Jason. Please.

Top of the night? I have to say Mr. Cook, because he's talented AND because Duran Duran was/is the bomb.
Wow. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be to make all those MadLib words fit into my review, but I think I did it, AND I think it all actually makes perfect sense.

Well, I better go now and flaunt my teeth and put on my biplanes since it's getting late. Good spackle!
Oh, and check out my woman's chocolate-chip-cookie-laden AI lament as well as a few other perspectives over at my doppleganger Boomama.


Pajama Mama said...

Perniciously superfluous!

David C is our overall fave as well.

Blessings, Jeannie

Melzie said...

THIS made me LOL ;) love it! I'll definitely be back to read more you are a nice boy. xoxo melzie

Jenny said...

Once again, MADLIBS did NOT disappoint! I loved your post. Great job fitting all those creative words in there!

I'd have to disagree with you though about best of the night. I'd give that to David A.

But, I'll agree with you in that Jason should go home. Maybe he already checked out of AI in his mind? That wasn't good at all. :(

Oliver said...

WYTAW? David A. was better than David C. tonight, and I was kinda bummed about it. I like David A. and all, but I'm still hoping that David C. will win because David A. is great singer but David C. is a much better performer, and I would buy David C's CD before I would buy David A's CD, unless I was looking for a CD of lullabies, in which I would buy David A's CD over David C's. Now I'm confused. One of the Davids will win.

Love the Mad Libs! Good job. Where can I get and elephant saddle for the children at our church?

Suzie said...

So creative...I wasn't sure if the Mad Lib thing would work, but it did.

Props to you, dawg!

rachel said...

I love where skulking was used... hilarious.

JustAnotherBlogger said...

Well done! That was a real treat to read.

Tamara said...

Loved the pernicious MADLIBS. Now you'll have to do one with Doppelganger.

Jodie said...

This is probably the best idea I've seen in.... EVER.

MadLibs was my favorite thing to play when I was younger. It may still be my favorite thing to play. You're bringin' it back! :) Now I gotta go get my hands on some MadLibs books! ...but where??

This post rocked the chants!! Just so ya know dawg. It was hot smokin' lava.

Tammy said...

That was just too awesome for Mad-Lib words! Well, done brother! Well done.

Must be kindred spirits, I too used the "shot himself in the foot" comment on ol' Dreadlock's Castro.

David said...

Wow, I am incredibly impressed, my friend. Nice work!

I have to agree... Jason has to go. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

So glad for your recap because our DVR DID NOT tape the show. Ugh. Guess I'll watch all the recaps tonight. I SO want Jason to go home!!!

hulagirlatheart said...

Hee hee. Very funny. Check out my blog for my run in with a couple of American Idol rejects.

Marmee said...

You continue to make me laugh and be a little envious of your God-given creativity!! You and Cindy are too, too funny and smart!! If you ever quit blogging, who, besides my husband, will make me laugh??

How are you going to top the AI Mad Lib post next week?

the hungarian said...

If the "show's about to punch" catches on, pls send royalties my way. My hubby is too a minister and this could be our cash cow (not to be confused with the golden calf).

EEEEMommy said...

Usually I'm just a creepy lurker, but I am compelled to thank you for making me laugh out loud over and over and over. You really are hysterical!!! Thanks also to your clever readers, especially the pernicious one (the dictionary is sitting right in front of me...I really ought to look it up). We must get our families together this summer for a grand laugh fest!
And to all those who think David A. is better than David C. I must say, "WYTAW! Starsearch ruined that boys' career. He's 17 going on 77....boring!"
And did you really insult Paul Simon by comparing dred's singing with his??? Maybe we shouldn't get together this summer. Maybe just your wife should come over and I can bake cookies for her and take her out to Dairy Queen...;)