"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Monday, July 21, 2008

I Know You're Hoping I'll Send You A Letter

I just saw the neatest innovation in stationery. It's far superior to the homemade "From the Desk of Scott" stuff I made in junior high. It even rivals the set of post cards my Aunt Glenda gave me that had colorful animals with lines on their bellies to write on.

I was as the zoo last week with my family, compliments of my dear father-in-law, and the gift shop was sporting this awesome stationery.

It was thick and sturdy and clearly recycled.
It had chunks of grass and seeds and fruit and who knows what else.
It looked so wholesome and earth-friendly, I almost grew dreadlocks and stopped shaving my legs right then and there.

Then, upon closer examination I saw that it was "PooPooPaper." It is actually made out of elephant dung. I knew from previous research (don't ask) that an elephant can unload almost 100 pounds of poo a day. They've been doing this for centuries, so when you calculate the number of elephants times the number of days in a year times the number of years elephant are likely to keep pooping, the obvious consequences are staggering.

I saw the apocalyptic thriller "Wall-E" a couple weeks ago, and now I'm forced to consider another version of that story in which the world is overrun with elephant dung.

Fortunately for us (and for our great- great- great- great- great- great- great grandchildren), the PooPooPaper company is here to save the day. Instead of sitting idly by watching Africa and India buried under fibrous mountains of elephant poo, they collect it and wash it and make paper and envelopes and such.
And then we can go online and buy a set of 6 sheets and 6 envelopes for only $15.99 plus $6.50 shipping and handling.

I am SO going to try cashing in on this. If people are willing to pay almost $4 per letter/envelope made of stinky elephant poo, imagine how they'd be falling over themselves to get in line to buy cute little MaltiPooPaper. That fictitious new carpet would be paid for in no time.


Gayle @ thewestiecrew said...

I get right on checking into that.

Wall-E. Yeah, we had the pleasure of seeing that on Friday, too.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

I think I'd rather have a love letter from you on Aunt Glenda's paper. (I know you were planning to write me one soon.)

Tammy said...

Poo-Poo paper?!?! Hmmmmm, would that not be also known as, ummm, toilet paper?! I'm just askin'.

I think your blog crashed the poopoopaper website. I can't get to it. Wow, the influences you have in the internet world.

Tech Daddy said...

Just don't use that paper to make spit wads.