"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Friday, August 29, 2008

Am I Imagining Things?

I'm not usually paranoid. Not usually, but when I am, I assure you I have very good reason to be. After all, I know the government would love to get their hands on the computer chips implanted in my nose. (How else do you explain the massive size of my nose?)

Anyway, sitting here quietly at the Bloomington Plasma and Leech Center, I read the sign "Warning: this facility operates heat sealers that emit low levels of electromagnetic radiation...blah blah blah." Evidently, if you have a pacemaker, not only do you have to fear the frozen-chimichanga microwave at the Quickie-Mart, now you have to wear a lead suit at the plasma center.

With all of the radio waves, cellphone signals, microwaves, wifi, plutonium isotopes and what-not in the air, I can't help but wonder "What exactly is traveling through my body at this moment?"
(Besides that chimichanga, burp.)

And then a moment ago, my foot vibrated. It felt exactly like a cell phone going off inside my foot. Clearly, something inside me is set at the same frequency as something else around here. Have I been programmed for some kind of government mission, waiting for a signal to trigger my response to off the head muk-muk of some rogue organization?

I kind of jest. But just a little. Once, my cell phone holster had broken and I carried my phone inside my front pocket. After a while, I stopped that practice after reading about sterility issues. (After an expensive vasectomy, the last thing I needed was issues with my sterility.)

And THEN I began to have phantom vibrations on my thigh where the phone used to rest. Felt exactly like the phone buzzing. Not just a little like it. I would excuse myself from meetings in order to step out and answer my...thigh?

I just thought I would share this bit of info to cause you worry and concern in case any of you were sleeping too well at night, forgetting that waves from National Public Radio might be absorbed into your pancreas or worse.

Have A Nice Day.


DidiLyn said...

The blood you are giving seems to be directly related to your brain function. Or lack thereof.
Keeping in real for ya.

Aaron B. Huddleston said...

LOL "to answer my...thigh?" lol I had the same thing, though. Where my cell phone holster was, I would feel phantom vibrations and go to answer my phone, only it either wasn't there or was there but not ringing.

rthling said...

Just don't put any popcorn kernels in your pocket with your phone. Unless you like that kind of excitement, that is...;-D