"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Monday, August 18, 2008

Medal Standings

I shall now take a moment to peel myself off of the couch where I've been plastered since pretty much the beginning of the Olympics.

("Plastered" as in "laying for so long that there is now a Scott-shaped indentation"...NOT "plastered" as in "eyeballs floating in 12 gallons of tequila." Just clarifying for those who don't know that I'm saving the tequila for "America's Got Talent.")

We've held a few qualifying heats in the Human Vs. Animal competition in the past few days. There is indeed drama as anyone would expect with these games. The backstories on some of these participants are real tear-jerkers.

For example, less than two months prior to the Games, one of the contestants was torn from his mother and forced to live with strangers who began coaching him for the "Sit," "Stay," and "Stop Crapping Every Time We Turn Our Backs" events.

Another contestant has recently become homeless when the umbrella he's been living under was suddenly opened and exposed to daylight.

The other 5,317 contestants live in a hole in the ground and have no clue that their entire kingdom is likely to be flooded with gasoline and possibly lit as part of the festivities of the Closing Ceremonies.

Well, here are the results from the All-Around Nuisance event.

The Bats: Gold
Cheddar: Silver
The Yellow Jackets: Bronze
Me: Diddly Squat


Cindy-Still His Girl said...

I think you've earned a spot on that podium yourself.

Just kidding, of course. Or not.

Tammy said...

I'm almost positive that I've earned enough sleep deprivation points over the last week to qualify for a gold medal in the "plastered" category also! :-) No tequila involved either.

Kirby3131 said...

My husband went away on a vacation the day the Olympics began. Having only the cat and I left at home, the couch has been my new bed. I have rarely left it or the Olympics. I'm so happy the Olympics are only a few weeks!

I love your posts - thanks so much. Hope your bee problems go away, but you're right, it may be in a blaze of glory.


atrailerparkmom said...

Your posts always crack me up! I've spent to many hours "plastered in front of my TV, as well!"

skypigeon said...

You know what's weird? Up until I turned 40, I'd watch as much of the Olympics as I could. Now I'm over 40... and for some strange reason, I just don't care. Why is that? Bueller? Bueller?

javamamma said...

I, personally thought the gold shoulda gone to the Yellow Jackets. Shucks.

rthling said...

You never fail to crack.me.up.