"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Weddings Always Make Me So Emotional

Today I performed a wedding. I do these occasionally. And funerals.

It was fairly uneventful as weddings go. No fainting. No loud outbursts. No drunken uncles. It was just simple and sweet. However, I shall note a couple of highlights for your general enjoyment.

Before the wedding, everyone was hanging around killing time waiting for the start. They had taken all of the photos beforehand, and did it in record time. Everyone was just so cooperative and laid back.

This gave a couple of the groomsmen plenty of time to enjoy some big wads of tobacco out in the parking lot. They walked back in, carrying Coke cans (if you've spent time around tobacky-chewers, then you know they're always carrying cups or cans to spit their foul refuse into). A young lady friend of theirs reached out and grabbed a can from their hands asking, can I have a drink? I debated whether or not I should stop her, but figured I had to get blog material from somewhere. So drink away, young lady in a white dress. Drink away.
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A little later, one of the grandmas was doing what grandmas do best: passing out mints and butterscotches to all the wedding party. Sometimes you just need a little bit of flavor and freshness, doncha know? Of course, this occurred only moments before we entered the wedding hall. So as the groom entered, I saw that he was still sucking away on a butterscotch. His eyes grew wide as he realized he was stuck with a big piece of candy in his mouth at the most important event in his life. I used my eyes to direct him over to the front row. As a final act of motherliness before she married off her little boy, the mother of the groom extended her hand as the groom took the candy from his mouth and deposited into his mother's palm. Everyone laughed.

And then the rest of the groomsmen entered, chewing candy too.

Don't you just love weddings? Such tender moments.

1 comment:

the hungarian said...

Eeeewwwww, I thought spitting food into your mother's hand ended sometime before puberty?! Mental note to make my little ones outgrow this habit quickly....