"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Friday, September 19, 2008

And Now For A Moment Of Pity

Because I am a tender-hearted person, sensitive to the feelings and needs of others (stop laughing, Cindy), my heart is aching today for the guy who has to pick up the trash on our street.

I know it's worse in other areas, but the power outages here left a lot of food sitting at less than ideal temperatures for longer than an ideal amount of time. Not ideal at all.

Let's consider for a moment, one hunk of meat--a nice big pork butt--that has been sitting in our garage fridge since May. Timing was bad; we bought too much and then forgot about it. A couple of weeks ago I noticed it. It was actually hard NOT to notice it as the plastic that it was wrapped in had ballooned to twice its size. Clearly something was growing in there, and then when the power was off for a few days, I could only imagine the new species of bacteria and alien life that had spawned inside that pork-butt-balloon. I was so afraid of touching it and popping it, so it stayed put until I could develop my HazMat plan.

Well, it's sitting out at the curb now, and you can tell. In fact, I recommend rolling up your windows as you drive down our street. I imagine every trashcan has about 20 pounds of decaying meat and fish warming up nicely in the sun.

I'm still holding on to the tilapia, though.

[Coming soon: I'm working on details for an interesting social experiment to document right here on my blog. It will involve giving up a "necessity" of life and following how it affects my life.]


Tammy said...

We can smell your street's trash way down here in God's Country (Alabama).

Hmmmm, I wonder what necessity you are giving up?! Crackberry maybe?

rthling said...

Ah, I knew someone would buy that butt (w)hole!
My advice on meat that has gone bad due to power outage, (or forgetting to pay your bill right before you go camping, and coming back to find your power shut off, but I'm not bitter) you should keep the contents of the freezer in the freezer after the power comes back on, until it freezes. Then move the frozen, spoiled food to the trash can on the day of pick up. This minimizes the stench, and your trash picker-upper will thank you.

carrie said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that's so gross....but yeah I hear ya...we had our power go out...oh the summer before last for about 3 days and yeah...everything was ICKIFIED...

Gayle said...

As long as your lifetime supply of Velveeta survived, then I think you're going to be ok.

Oh, and I hope the necessity you're giving up isn't toilet paper. Do you know how hard it's going to be to squeeze a six pack of TP in my suitcase when I come see your wife?

mrshoppes said...

Next time you have a power outage, fire up the grill and cook all the meat.

As for what you're giving up.... Cheese?

Big Doofus said...

Wasn't there a Pork Butt Balloon in last years Macy's Christmas Parade?

Emily said...

Polite people don't say PORK BUTT.

We say Sow Rear, or Hammy Tush, or even Boars Bottom. If you must get technical you can even say Barrow Backside.

never, ever say Pork Butt.

p'shaw. I thought you ministers knew better.

Life In Progress said...

Ewwww and Oh Gross. We had a similar experience here a few weeks ago that involved fish guts, a leaky garbage bag & a cracked garbage can. All while my husband was out of town. The fact that the experience qualified as blog fodder is all that redeemed him.