"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

What's wrong with this picture?
It's all a matter of perspective, really.
Some people prefer their fudge withOUT the Velveeta, while others swear by its creamy goodness. (And I'm not even joking. Why don't you believe me? Come on. I'm being serious...for once. Here's a real, legitimate recipe site with it. So phooey on you disbelievers.)
The first thing I did was cube up a half pound of Velveeta (which is 1/4 of a "loaf") along with two sticks of butter, and then I nuked it for what ended up being a minute and a half.
That gave me approximately a minute and a half to continue to slice more cheese and eat it raw.

Let me warn you, as much as you'd like for the Velveeta and the butter to melt together into a creamy sauce, in actuality it separates and looks kind of gross. Surprisingly, it ended up looking kind of like globules of melted cheese floating in melted butter; go figure. Maybe I did it wrong. Next time I may melt the cheese first, and then stir in softened butter and see if it looks less unnatural.

Moving on...
In a separate bowl, I mixed together a 2 lb. bag of powdered sugar with 1/2 cup of cocoa. Important: ALWAYS use a mixing bowl that is just too small for your ingredients so that they fly all over the counter and floor with every flick of the wrist. It won't help you in any way, but it will make me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who does this EVERY SINGLE TIME I mix.

I don't have a photo of the next step, but picture me dumping the cocoa/sugar mixture into the cheese/butter glop. It pretty quickly turned into a chocolate-colored dough-wad as I stirred it and added some vanilla. I was starting to get excited, because it looked good enough to eat at this stage.

Then I plopped it into a 9x13, and I chilled it for a couple of hours.
When the kids got home, they devoured it.
This is a picture of Shelby eating her second piece of fudge...right before I told her it was made with cheese.

The truth is, the fudge was delicious. The children and I still continued to eat it after the revelation of its surprise ingredient, but Cindy didn't finish her chunk. This was mainly a moral stand for Cindy as opposed to anything related to taste, I believe. It turns out she's a chocolate snob.

Here's the recipe so you can make it today and thank me.
[Note: I re-read the post and found some mistakes, so my apologies to anyone who tried the recipe with too little sugar or cheese before I corrected it. Below is the proper recipe...I hope.]

1/2 lb. Velveeta (or other processed cheese)
1 cup butter (2 sticks)
32 oz. powdered sugar (2 lbs, I think)
1/2 cup cocoa
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
(chopped nuts, optional)

1. Melt together the cheese and butter.
2. Combine the cocoa and sugar.
3. Add the cocoa/sugar to the cheese/butter and toss in the vanilla. Mix well.
4. Plop it in a pan and chill.

Next, we'll check into swapping out the creamy nougat in homemade Milky Way bars for some Velveeta. Or maybe Oreos with a Velveeta center?
I'm sure other chocolate/cheese combinations will be just as tasty. And you?


Tammy said...

Yea, I'm gonna have to be lumped into the category with your lovely wife...I think I'm a chocolate snob. My son would devour this.

And does cheese actually come in a "loaf"??? :-)

Kritter Krit said...

No stinking WAY. You did not put VELVEETA in your fudge. You are just pulling our legs.

Say it! Say you're kidding!

I mean, I'm with you in the cheese love department. I'd rather have a chunk of cheese than most anything. (Which says a lot about me, sadly.)


Chocolate is to be respected. The marriage of chocolate and cheese is just, well, it's sick and wrong. The end.

THEhooahwife said...

Kudos to you!

I love cheese and I love chocolate, and as much as I am a chocolate snob (don't even put me near that cheap Easter Chocolate the kids gobble up... *gag*) I would try this!

I've learned never to discount taste marriages as they can often delightfully surprise!

(case in point... would you think that spaghetti noddles, steak strips, hoisin sauce,sesame oil, soy sauce, garlic, spinach leaves and cinnamon go well together?? I thought it wouldn't, but it is now a favorite with all *gasp* 5 members of our family!)

AmyG said...

Eww... you eat Velveeta raw?? Really? I so can not stand the taste of Velveeta, unless it's mixed with a can of Rotel and I'm dipping chips into it.

The fudge might have turned out well, but I know it's not something that I'll make on my own. Glad you & the kids enjoyed it, though!

Emily said...

where's my sample? :)

Emily said...

I just had 2 windows open. Your blog and your wife's blog. Uh, your blogs are really different. :)

and I don't care what you say, I'm not eating that.

Stretch Mark Mama said...

That was right up there with The Pioneer Woman!

EEEEMommy said...

Tell me the truth. Did you already know about this, or did I inspire you with my comment on Cindy's blog? I was seriously going to e-mail your wife the recipe and dare her to make it for you...

burning4eternity said...

THAT IS AWESOME!!! Now if I can jsut get my wife to actually buy Velveeta

mom of 3, hater of cheese said...

wrong on so many levels...

Big Doofus said...

Velveeta does NOT taste good unless it's melted. It's a scientific fact. I'm quite sure that Newton or Bob Hope came to this conclusion. However, it's melted and then becomes part of some other recipe, then it's ok. I would try this. In fact, I may make it during my vacation time.

Monica said...

Wow. I don't know what to say.

Sean says, "Well this proves that Velveta cheese is not really cheese at all."

Gayle said...

You are so gross! ;) But your obsession is so darn entertaining.

gopmom2 said...

Tears are streaming down my face! Thanks for such a great laugh. This fudge recipe is in all my Grandmother's recipe books...she died 2 years ago at the ripe old age of 92...maybe she ate this fudge along with her 11/2 vodka tonics 'that the doctor prescribed'?

MrsHoppes said...

I love cheese. I make cheese. I make cream cheese, mozzarella cheese, ricotta cheese, feta cheese, and all kinds of cheese.

Velveeta is not a cheese. It is a Frankenstein food by-product. And you dared to commit the heinous act of "Comfort Food Abuse" by "marrying it" with chocolate? The poor fudge!

Poor Cindy!