"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hair Gel, Sugar Cookies and Scott's "Twilight" Analysis

I took my wife to go see "Twilight" tonight. She'd read the complete series as a parent in order to determine how appropriate the books would be for our children at their respective ages. I followed suit and worked hard to read the first book. I'm a much slower reader, so tonight as we were driving to the theater, I gave her permission to summarize the last few chapters for me. I like to be able to compare movies with the books they're based on and/or the summaries of the books they're based on.

My comparison:

1) I was instantly struck by how much mousse and hair gel must have been used on the Cullen family. I don't remember any mention of the wicked spikes and floops in the book, but judging by the movie, I'm guessing they've created a shortage of hair care products in the Pacific Northwest.

2) My wife prepared me for the "Edward-in-the-sunlight" scene by telling me she'd read somewhere online that in the sunlight, Edward looks like a "sugar cookie." Again, there was no mention in the book of cookies or pastries of any kind with regards to his physical description.

3) I'm sorry to offend anyone out there, but I was creeped out by the Cullen siblings holding hands as couples at school. I didn't get the sense from the book that they displayed their "coupleness" in public. Ewww. I know that school counselers deal with a lot of issues these days, but if this movie starts of new wave of brothers dating sisters, don't be surprised if it's accompanied by the excuse "well, we're 300 years old, we're not even human, we crave your blood, and the only way to stop us is to cut us into tiny pieces and burn them. So I don't think you need to get all hung up on the fact that I'm holding hands with my sister."

4) Jasper. Oh my goodness, Jasper was a hoot in the movie. I don't know what I was expecting from the book's description, but the movie Jasper was a riot. He didn't have (m)any lines or scenes or actions or anything, but his hair and the expression on his face screamed either "my agent is going to pay for this!" or "my optic nerves WILL hold my eyes in, right?"

Clearly, based on these four points, the movie has taken some liberties and totally changed key details about the book. However, it was clever and interesting and kept my attention the entire time...except for the times my children called me on my cell phone. (Don't worry. The first call was about a sick stomach and fear of vomiting. The second call was about a candle jar falling and sending shards of glass all over the kitchen. So no cause for alarm.)

Seriously, the movie actually DID do a good job of following the story from the book, the key point being that Bella is obsessed with a vampire boy and can't live without him and needs him even if he's bad for her and blah blah blah needy obsessive blah blah blah typical pubescent vampire love.

I've told Cassie that she is welcome to read the book...once she and I have a talk about liking boys and kissing boys and holding hands with boys and blah blah blah since that's a big part of the book.

She's pretty much sworn off the book for life.


Big Doofus said...

Thanks for the review. I think I'll go buy some sugar cookies.

Mr. E said...

Thanks for the review. My kids (ages 13 & 11) saw the movie with their older cousins over the weekend. I was a little worried about it since I had not watched the movie yet. My son has read 2 out of the 4 books.

Chris said...

I was in Seattle just a few weeks ago and couldn't find a decent hair gel ANYWHERE! No wonder.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

You forgot to mention that while the storyline is interesting, the actual WRITING in the book is sorry, leaning towards pathetic. If she said Edward "glared" one more time, or had one more sentence about how "perfect" and "Adonis-like" and "greek god" he was, I was going to have to dig my own eye out with a spoon.

Scott said...

But, Cindy, you don't feel that way when people say the same things about ME, right?

Maggie said...

Loved your description of the movie. And I completely agree that Jasper was a riot!