"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Friday, February 27, 2009

I Can't Remember How Many Concentric Circles of Hell There Used To Be, But I Just Found One More

Last night was our time to have our family portrait taken for our church’s newest pictorial directory. Additionally, it’s been ages since we’ve had an official family photo, so we got dolled up and ready our photo shoot.

Perhaps you're picturing hip music playing and a swanky photo shoot with a photographer in a scarf and beret saying things like "show me those pouty lips" and "work it, girl" while the wind machine blows sensually through my hair.

Anyone who’s been through this experience before knows exactly what it was really like
For those who haven’t, I’ll simply share some of the quotes from yesterday to give you a feel.
“I HATE these puffy sleeves.”

“I know I already had planned for us to wear brown, but now let’s all wear black which means we need to run to the store to buy clothes hours before our photo shoot!”

“Why do I have to wear these puffy sleeves?”

“You were supposed to brush your teeth BEFORE you put those clothes on.”

“People wore sleeves like this in the 1800’s, and this is the 21st century!”

“You take that shirt off and give it to her, and she’ll give her sweater to her, and then I’ll wear that shirt...until we all change our minds again.”

“I’m pretty sure Mary Todd Lincoln had sleeves like these….and look what happened to HER.”

“We need to leave in three minutes. Hmmmm. Maybe we should all wear green.”

“These slee…”


“Welcome to your photo shoot. Just sign in here. Unfortunately, one of the photographers is sick, so we’re running a little behind.”

“Define ‘a little.’ “

“About an hour.”

“Hi, sweetie. Why, look at these cute girls. How blessed you are with four daughters. And check out those sleeves…”


“Don’t worry. In the final products, we’ll retouch those glares on your shiny bald head.”

“Can you also retouch these sleeves?”

"And this frame is made of real wood dipped in gold enhanced with silver trimmed with platinum carved by fairies and autographed by God."

“Scott, how about you go take the kids someplace while I decide what to buy. I’ve been saving my own money and this is what I want to use it for.”

“Isn't mommy done picking pictures YET?”

“It can’t be good a sign that she’s been in there a half hour buying pictures.”

“Cindy, don’t even tell me how much you spent. I do not need to know. In fact, I’ll be much happier if I don’t know.”

“Mommy didn’t say how much she spent, but she did say that now we won’t be able to buy a new countertop.”

“You can take those outfits off now. Thank you for wearing things you probably didn’t like.”

“Actually, these sleeves are kind of cool.”

[I lied about the last quote.]


mom huebert said...

Do we get to see the picture? Or are there copyright laws or something? I want to see those puffy sleeves.

Tiffany said...

I'm on my way to our concentric circle of hell at 4:30. So far, boys are wearing blue, girls in pink, but that's subject to change of course, because I was thinking about going the black route too. hmmmm. My boys were complaining last night while I was cutting their hair, and I'm quite certain there will be more today. So, I can't wait to see your fam portrait. Hopefully Cindy bought one for me!

AmyG said...

Is it bad that we've never had a family photo & my youngest is 3?

I'm hoping you'll share a picture, I want to see the sleeves, as well!

Emily said...

So, any picture of you with the puffy sleeves?

oh, that was YOU with the puffy sleeve issue, right?

Tammy said...

Wasn't there a puffy sleeves episode on Seinfeld...if not there should have been.

Just found out today we have directory pictures in Sept. I better start planning now...and shopping for a puffy sleeve shirt for everyone.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

You left out several snarls and you only included about a tenth of the complaining about the SLEEVES.

Marie said...

"Yes Miss All By Herself - you just stick your face out and the double chin won't show."

I now have a picture that looks like I am sticking my face out.

I would've looked better with a little bit of a double chin!

I so feel your pain.


Working Mom said...

Lol! The puffy sleeves caught my attention. Hope we could see the pics soon!

Big Doofus said...

We had the same experience at our church last year. It was quite an ordeal and then the photography company tried to take advantage of us a few times (and they "specialize" in doing church directories).

However, we did get a REALLY nice family shot that I can see right now. It was worth all the fuss.

rthling said...

Yes, then they want to know if you'd like to have them 'touch up' your photos to even out skin tone, remove blemishes, and the like.
I told them if they could take off fifty pounds, and give my husband some hair, they were welcome to. Otherwise, we would take what we got.

Big Doofus said...

When they ask you all of that stuff, tell them you'd like a third arm photoshopped in--and that you want it growing from the middle of your forehead. They'd probably do it.

Tim in WA said...

Kathy and I got into a big fight about photographer fees, and the photographer refused to lower her prices, so we shot our own this year. Although Washington weather is almost always mild, we picked the one day of the year when the daytime temperature was well-below freezing and the wind was brisk.

My older son, who would rather go to the dentist than have his picture taken, laughed hysterically through the entire event because of the cold, so at least HE had a good time.

I really enjoyed your last quote, even if fictional. WHEN are you planning to come visit the Northwest so we can meet you in person?