"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Still Not Bothering To Learn Names

[cue music]

Another week, another 12 singers on American Idol.
OK. Who am I kidding?
Take two.

[restart the music]

Another week, another 11 singers on American Idol.

[roll through the montage of the various singers. Then the music comes to a screeching halt as the video shows the 12th contestant whom I shall simply refer to at this point as "Omigosh What Is This Guy Doing On American Idol"... or "OWITGDOAI" for short.]

Oh, we shall come back to him in a moment.

In the meantime, let's meet the other contestants whose names escape me:

Girl Who Looks Like Janet Jackson From Certain Angles did really well. Unfortunately, she broke the news to me on public TV that she's not going to write me a love song, today.

Piano Dueler. I didn't know you could sing Cold Play stuff without bongos and whatnot.

Legs. She sang "This Love," and it took its toll on her.

No words.
It was like a drag queen performance without the drag.
I guess I did find words after all.

Rachel Ray's Sister With Hair On Fire. So far the best of the night, singing Heart's "Alone" and belting it out like a pro.

More-Confident Man In The Mirror. If he really wants to make the world a better place, perhaps he could start off by not singing that song. It was ok, maybe even nice, but not remarkable. He looks charming enough, though, to be in a chick flick with Reece Whitherspoon or sumpin'.

(Oooh. Remind me to record the show about blue whales on National Geographic! Sorry, back to our program.)

Short-Nighty Lounge-Singer Girl sported her planetary tattoo and looked pretty and sang cool...and danced awkwardly. I think Simon called her a "funny little thing." Apt description. Very apt.

Welder. He has a shaved head and a goatee. As do I. He's clearly going through to the next round if it's based Scottlike-ness. However, if it's based on NOT looking like a pudgy, middle-aged drunk uncle at a wedding, he might be in trouble.

The Shoulder. She sang that she's got Betty Davis eyes, not to be confused with having Betty Davis's eyes (apostrophe) which would conjure up images of saving an old lady's eyeballs in a tupperware container in her purse. THAT would be creepy.

Hakuna Matata. That's Swahili for "Makes Ugly Faces While Singing." Sounded good except for the spots when he didn't.

OK, this next girl I can't come up with a no-name for. She sang "Drops of Jupiter" which I really like musically. The song always intrigues me with its haunting beauty. But I'm afraid to sing it myself since I fear that Drops of Jupiter might be a dirty phrase that means something I don't understand because I'm too old and un-hip to know the lingo.

Dresses-In-Black Boy. Or Spikey Hair Swoopy Bangs Boy. Sang "Satisfaction.". Over the top. Not my style, but he can definitely sing and dance and performs, and it appears that that's what this competition is about.

I thinks it's a more difficult job to predict the winners tonight, but I'll try:

Top Guy: More-Confident Boy (but it's kind of three-way tie with Swoopy Bangs and Hakuna Matata.)
Top Gal: Rachel Ray's sis
Third Pick: Short Nighty

But I'll be not the least bit surprised if NONE of my guesses make it through.


Becs said...

Idol Bits...
Piano Dueler is a semi-acquaintance of a friend.
More-Confident Man In The Mirror is a Woship Leader at a church whose pastor is the brother of my friend's pastor. (Whew, that was a handful.)
Thats my own idol degrees of separation.

And all my husband can say about Dresses-In-Black Boy. Or Spikey Hair Swoopy Bangs Boy is that he might be a missing Jonas Brother.

Totally laughing at your Idol recap. Thanks :)

Tina Miles said...

Don't forget to record that show on Nat. Geo. about blue whales.

Hope that helps.

(Love your recaps by the way!)

Huse Yo Mama said...

I just want you to know that Becs knows a contestant every year on Idol. I'm convinced she's a record producer.

Secondly, I give up. I can. not. compete. with you! I will be giving up my AI summations to the king.

Heather, aka Jake's Mommy said...

HAHA, this cracked me up!!! I love the nicknames. And, OMG, that girl totally does look like she's a relative of Rachael Ray's!!

Halfmoon Girl said...

Cindy sent us over- she was right, this is funny stuff here. I am in agreement with your top 3. Your descriptions were bang on, so I was able to follow your post, strangely enough, as I don't know any of their names either. The only name I know is DANNY- he's awesome.

Sherri's Southern Style said...

You're Funny!

Thrifty Gal said...

Love your nicknames for these young contestants! (Well, not sure that "Norman Gentle" is that young...) I didn't care for anyone last night :( I'm a little disappointed in this year's contest so far...

Lawanda said...

Did you only like short nighty girl because of the short nighty? haha

I liked her ok, but I liked No nickname girl the best, and then RR sister. :)

I love your nicknames. :)