Another week, another 12 singers on American Idol.
OK. Who am I kidding?
[restart the music]
Another week, another 11 singers on American Idol.
[roll through the montage of the various singers. Then the music comes to a screeching halt as the video shows the 12th contestant whom I shall simply refer to at this point as "Omigosh What Is This Guy Doing On American Idol"... or "OWITGDOAI" for short.]
Oh, we shall come back to him in a moment.
In the meantime, let's meet the other contestants whose names escape me:
Girl Who Looks Like Janet Jackson From Certain Angles did really well. Unfortunately, she broke the news to me on public TV that she's not going to write me a love song, today.
Piano Dueler. I didn't know you could sing Cold Play stuff without bongos and whatnot.
Legs. She sang "This Love," and it took its toll on her.
It was like a drag queen performance without the drag.
I guess I did find words after all.
Rachel Ray's Sister With Hair On Fire. So far the best of the night, singing Heart's "Alone" and belting it out like a pro.
More-Confident Man In The Mirror. If he really wants to make the world a better place, perhaps he could start off by not singing that song. It was ok, maybe even nice, but not remarkable. He looks charming enough, though, to be in a chick flick with Reece Whitherspoon or sumpin'.
(Oooh. Remind me to record the show about blue whales on National Geographic! Sorry, back to our program.)
Short-Nighty Lounge-Singer Girl sported her planetary tattoo and looked pretty and sang cool...and danced awkwardly. I think Simon called her a "funny little thing." Apt description. Very apt.
Welder. He has a shaved head and a goatee. As do I. He's clearly going through to the next round if it's based Scottlike-ness. However, if it's based on NOT looking like a pudgy, middle-aged drunk uncle at a wedding, he might be in trouble.
The Shoulder. She sang that she's got Betty Davis eyes, not to be confused with having Betty Davis's eyes (apostrophe) which would conjure up images of saving an old lady's eyeballs in a tupperware container in her purse. THAT would be creepy.
Hakuna Matata. That's Swahili for "Makes Ugly Faces While Singing." Sounded good except for the spots when he didn't.
OK, this next girl I can't come up with a no-name for. She sang "Drops of Jupiter" which I really like musically. The song always intrigues me with its haunting beauty. But I'm afraid to sing it myself since I fear that Drops of Jupiter might be a dirty phrase that means something I don't understand because I'm too old and un-hip to know the lingo.
Dresses-In-Black Boy. Or Spikey Hair Swoopy Bangs Boy. Sang "Satisfaction.". Over the top. Not my style, but he can definitely sing and dance and performs, and it appears that that's what this competition is about.
I thinks it's a more difficult job to predict the winners tonight, but I'll try:
Top Guy: More-Confident Boy (but it's kind of three-way tie with Swoopy Bangs and Hakuna Matata.)
Top Gal: Rachel Ray's sis
Third Pick: Short Nighty
But I'll be not the least bit surprised if NONE of my guesses make it through.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009