"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

American Idol Inspires Scott To Write Movie Plots

Tonight, as I write about each of the remaining contestants, I think I'll treat you with a view into my crystal ball.

I think that they are all really good and could record CDs. (I guess that's not saying much, since technically, with the cool gadgets on my laptop, even I could record a CD.)

They each have their own style to an extent, so I'm going to pigeon-hole each one by determining what movies they'll be invited to do soundtracks for.

First up, Anoop, singing a little "Usher" with "Caught Up." Did a good job, and gave me my first real glance at his potential "concert" style, which was a little flat and gave Simon a headache. Since I see him more in the boy band style, I'm struggling to figure what that means for a soundtrack. Probably, it would be some light-hearted chick flick. I'll just make up a movie about two strangers (guy and a girl) who both rent the exact same storage unit because of a mix up at the rental office. They decide to share it and split the cost and end up hanging out there occasionally and turn it into a sort of rec room and become friends heading towards lovers. When one finally has his new home built and no longer needs the unit, he considers keeping it just to keep her in his life. Anoops sings the song during the flashback/montage of all the fun times they shared in their 24-hour access, climate-controlled storage facility. I think I'll call the movie AND the song "What's In Store," and it will star Jennifer Gardner and some random guy with a British accent. Chicks dig accents. They bloody do.

Megan Joy, in all her quirky wiggle-dancing tattooed-ness, is destined to sing the soundtrack for the kind of movie that has a free-spirited barefoot coed falling for her biology lab partner who thought he was gay but discovers that he really isn't. Whatever you call that genre. The nice thing about singing on a soundtrack is that you usually aren't seen, and tonight the worst part of Megan Joy's performance was watching her. She totally looked like she was uncomfortable, but that can be solved by borrowing a stool next week per Paula's suggestion. I suppose she can pick one from a catalog or go to a furniture showroom and check out some stool samples.

Danny. A couple weeks ago when he wore that white polar jacket, he looked like some personification of a singing angel. So I'm actually putting him IN a movie playing a soul-singing guardian angel who delivers messages to a runaway teen who thinks she's seeing things. I guess it's kind of like Touched By an Angel, but the musical version...with jazz hands. For tonight, once he got past that first put-you-to-sleep verse, I felt like he did just OK, but what in the world? The judges are crazy about this performance while I'm just a hair above underwhelmed. Maybe it has something to do with the distraction of trying to listen to these songs while writing all these screenplays at the same time. YOU try it.

Allison Iraheta. I'm glad that tonight we got to hear at least a little of her "softer" side without all the yelling. Plus, it's cute the way she let her 3-year-old cousin dress her and do her hair. (That's what happened, right?) With the lungs on that beast, she could sing the theme song from Cold Case if they make it to the big screen someday. If you know the show and the sliding howl at the beginning, then you know what I'm talking about. Youtube it something until I can hunt it down for you.

Scott MacIntyre. Pro: combed or cut his hair, and maybe some brow grooming? Con: Master Cuts must've still had their '80's catalogs in the waiting area. For a movie, I see him playing piano and singing for an upcoming Pixar project. I don't know what they have in the works, but if they do a movie about a partially blind robot whose owner's mom throws him away and he befriends a pack of lost housepets journeying across the country to find home, Scott should definitely sing the songs for that movie.

For some unknown reason, Matt Giraud standing at his keyboard in a section of the crowd reminded me of Ross Geller playing keyboard in the coffeeshop on "Friends." It would've been cool if he'd pushed the button that makes those space noises. The judges might have liked him better if he HAD. Let's just give him a coming-of-age movie. One of those where a boy and his dog face life and all its problems...until the dog gets hit by pizza delivery Pinto, and the boy has to face his parents' divorce, his swim team tryouts, and his geometry test alone.

Lil Rounds I'm giving the much-anticipated sequel to "My Bodyguard" (please don't tell me it's already been made and I've missed it). With yet another wig tonight, it's clear she's keeping some mall kiosk in business. Way to stimulate the economy, Lil! And the singing 'tweren't bad at all tonight, even though it was a less-than-stellar song choice.

Yep, you guessed it; Adam should do the soundtrack for one of the sequels to "Twilight." With his eyeliner, black nails and the blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth, he's a shoo-in for shrieking out a song during a vampire fisticuffs or love scene (or both at the same time since vampires are weird that way). Tonight, he sang "Play That Funky Music, White Boy" or as Cassie sang it when she was two or three "Play That Fungy Moogic Why Boy!" (I have a story to tell about this , but I'll not throw it into this alread-too-long post. I understand some of you have things to do today besides reading my blog for hours.)

I liked Kris Allen's performance of "Ain't No Sunshine" tonight more than enough to overlook the use of "ain't." (Heck, I'm not even bothering to proofread this post, mainly 'cause I just proofed about 63 bazillion pages of Cindy's current coursework.) With that youthful cute face, Kris'd be good for a teeny-bopper movie. If it weren't for the fact that Hannah Montana sings her own stuff, I could picture Kris doing "Hannah Montana's Canadian Tour" and doing a great job capturing the wholesome charm. That, or a sleepy love flick on a beach in Mexico in the winter; someone has a terminal illness and is flipping through scrapbooks with family, reliving the past to the tune of Kris's guitar.
Based on both
A) Performance quality tonight
B) Their projected future performances for the imaginary movies I've slaved over,
I think that Megan Joy could be in trouble, even though I like the tar out of her.
We're just getting to that point where really, really good singers are going to have to start leaving, because in the end, there can be only one.


Kacie said...

hah - I love your cd description. "With jazz hands" - lol!

Sherri's Southern Style said...

stool samples :)

Heather said...

Holy crap, man. You're hilarious!! I laughed and laughed reading your movie descriptions. You were SPOT ON with most of them. And I totally want to see that one with the shared rental storage unit. Bring on the British accent! :)

His Girl said...

apparently, I'm going to have to stop reading your blog in public. I just laughed all the way out loud in this quiet little sushi restaurant and now I'm thinking I'm going to be politely asked to leave.

I was doing great with my silent snickering until this:
"Play That Fungy Moogic Why Boy!"

totally broke the dam. thanks.

Emily said...

MEGAN JOY!!!!!!!! YAHOOOO. She's GOT to be gone. What a dorky song choice.

Hilty Sprouts! said...

Oh man! This is good, good stuff! Thanks for the laugh!

Sarah said...

You should DEFINITELY follow through with some of these... BTW- I nominated you for a cheesey blog award called the Lemonade AWard, on my blog http://8-muddyboots.blogspot.com. Just because I love your blog and you make me laugh! Thanks...

Anonymous said...

Time for an update dude!!

Thx lol