"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Momerican Moidol Mocontestants Mosinging Motown

After missing last week's show because of our Spring Break, we'll see if I can ease back in. I'm not making any promises. It would sure be a lot easier if it was a themed night that I could get passionate about...like, say, "80's Power Ballads" or "Country Songs About Girls Whored Out By Their Moms."

So tonight it's Motown Night. It'll work, I'm sure, but I'm really curious to see if any of the contestants come out looking extra white in this genre.

Well, let's get it on....

...which turns out to be the title of the first song with Matt Giraud. While I'm not really sure what I was expecting to see in the way of wardrobe tonight, I certainly wasn't expecting Matt's Mr. Roger's cardigan. The thought of Mr. Rogers singing "Let's Get It On" represents the colliding of two very different worlds; kind of like the beginning of "Thundercats" when that planet swings by and blasts into the moon and cracks it. But singing-wise, it was good and didn't crack any moons.

Kris Allen showed up tonight, guitar in hand and boy scout badges on shoulder. I spent much of the time trying to read his shirt; the whole bottom half had some kind of text crammed all over it. I'm assuming it's sublimally printed with "VOTE FOR ME" over and over and over. But between you and me, I don't think he needs the extra campaigning. So maybe instead it was the lyrics for "How Sweet It Is.". Nice job.

Scott MacIntyre sang "You Can't Hurry Love" which cracks me up because of the way it's always sung so fast. He's a good singer, but not in the star way. He hits each note right and clearly, but in the way that a Broadway singer might need to, or a guy on a float in a Disney parade, or that guy on the piano on the third level of the floating casino.

Judge's Attempt At Humor Alert:
Paula got fed up with Simon's juvenile antics and whipped out box of crayons and some coloring books. I personally couldve come with better props to make the same point, but nice try, Paula.

Oh my, Megan Joy, oh my. If Simon does not make a cruise ship lounge singer reference, I will eat this Blackberry I'm typing on. At least, her dress matches her arm tattoo. The judges aren't digging it; so many better song choices out there. OK, Simon's up now...mention the cruise...or a lounge. Crud. I have to eat my phone now.

Next up, Anoop. I have lofty expectations for Anoop Dog, what with him being the only man of color left in the competition and all. He's going to wow us with the lyrically electrifying "Oo Baby Baby." I'm guessing he could could really do something with a hauntingly beautiful song I wrote for Cindy in our early years called "Oo, Baby, Yeah Uh-Huh."
I'm serious.

Note: Have all the guys worn ties so far? What's up with that? Are we interviewing for internships with a bank?

Michael Sarver sang some song that also included the words "Oo Baby Baby" ("Ain't Too Proud To Beg"). I actually think he's done the best job of anyone tonight so far of SOUNDING like old Motown. But considering he LOOKED more like a middle-aged white dude with his shirt unbuttoned and that chain necklace... Well, the judges tore him apart.

Lil, Lil, Lil. She should rock tonight. An African American woman should be able to burn up the stage tonight with "Heat Wave." Check out that wig, the dress, the earrings even. She is definitely bringing it before she even opens her mouth. Good performance to watch, girl, but I agree she could have picked a song with a melody that would have shown her off more.

Next, Adam's up. To quote Smokey Robinson, "I've never heard 'Tracks of My Tears' sung that way before." Hold it! What! Is this Adam?! He's wearing a suit and his hair's slicked back, no nail polish! With 30% less eyeliner, he doesn't look even remotely like a Twilight vampire tonight, thank goodness. Possibly the best of the night, which pains me because I haven't liked him up till now. But now that he looks more like Jason Bateman instead of Edward Cullen strung out on bad elk blood, I'll have to reconsider.

Danny's up with "Get Ready." I already liked him, but I like him even more now that I've seen him scoot back with the back-up singers and do some rolling motions along with them, having fun on stage.

And finally, Allison's doing "Papa Was a Rolling Stone." Oh boy, I love songs from the 70's that incorporate the "shikkawokka shikkawokka" sound. She's got pipes and played them full-force. Awesome, one of the best tonight. And I'm not just saying that because she's a redhead, thought that's reason enough to vote for her. (I swear I'll vote for Obama if he dyes his hair red in '12.)

My predictions for bottom three;
Megan Joy, Scott MacIntyre and Michael Sarver.

I'm just going to close with this mental image for anyone who missed the show. Google images for "Paula Abdul Crayon Moustache" and sleep well. (Don't really Google that. I just checked, and there's everything BUT Paula Abdul with a crayon moustache...including a charming William Hung and a shirtless Hall or Oates.)


Kimberly said...

My husband suggested that perhaps Mr.Rogers...I mean, Matt...was actually singing about let's get THEM on...as in his tennis shoes that he changed every show.

Glad you guys are back. We come by and lurk every week....and last week just wasn't the same without you and Cindy!

Kritter Krit said...

You are a HOOT. I live for your AI recaps. ...Which is a sad, sad statement, I know. But I DO, I can't help it. I snorted at Mr. Rogers and, well, it was just an all-out hootinanny from there. =)

Sherri's Southern Style said...

Welcome Back! Missed you and Cindy last week. AI isn't the same without your humor:) Could NOT agree more with your recaps.

Suzie said...

I so wanted to hear your thoughts on Adam's "Ring of Fire" performance.

jerriann said...

I love your humor, I do. You and Cindy are both just to much. I agree with Suzie, I so wish you guys had been here last week. I would love to hear your take on Adam's "Ring of Fire", ah, it was . . . mere words just can't describe the ugliness of that AI moment. Seriously.

Tammy said...

Glad y'all are back....loved your review!!

Emily said...

I just watched it...I was dying to read this post, and it was worth the wait....

just to read your mention of elk blood.

Chantelle said...

So funny. I wanted to read your take on "Ring of Fire" as well!

Mr. Roger's sweater! Ha!