"The Muffled Cries For Help From a Daddy of Four Beautiful Little Girls"

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

American Idol, Top 7, Again

I'm already beating myself up for not having a more creative title for this post. While it's an accurate title, it just doesn't have that oomph, that je ne sais qua, that emotion-jerking pull to which you have become accustomed.
My previous post's title alluded to "sacrilege." This one...? Nothin'.

So if the title disappoints you, I'll just have to work extra hard to ensure that the body of this post yanks you right out of your seat, slaps you around the room a few times and flings you out a window like a day-old tuna panini.

I can't tell you how excited I am to see that it's Disco Night tonight on AI. It's just a shame that I can't disco dance AND blog at the same time which I'd love to attempt, biutt I':m ptrryt sguree ity woudlt engd uop loogkinhhgi likre thiiios.

Lil kicked off the night with "I'm Every Woman" and totally underwhelmed. She sounded more like "I'm Every 5th Woman." Judges weren't too favorable, which is scary for Lil because let's not forget that not one, but TWO singers are heading home tonight.

Kris pulled out his guitar and extensive collection of bar chords to sing "She Works Hard For The Money." He sounded great, very mellow but solid. I must have been distracted by the smell of the Bath and Body Works Pomegranate that Cassie sprayed on my armpits, because I totally missed why in the world the judges were talking about ladies' undergarments. I think I can safely assume that it originated with Paula.

Now Danny finally brought the Disco funk to the night. He didn't just sing a song from the disco era, he made me want to get my bell bottoms, platform shoes and those glasses with the nose grip that Steve Martin invented in "The Jerk." Judges were extremely favorable.

16-year-old Allison sprayed on some latex and then bedazzaled (TM) her flesh for "Hot Stuff." (My daughter will be 16 in three years. Why can't these contestants dress like Laura Ingalls?) Well, the song was rockin', maybe too much so as Randy pulled out the phrase "over-indulgent." Despite the number of words that poured forth from Paula's mouth, I believe they were actually all arranged grammatically correctly. I checked.

Adam Lambert? Who ARE you? Slow ballad, reasonably-combed hair, and dark suit? Looking good, but he still was wearing some Severus Snape-looking mondo ring on his pinky and threw in at least one bite-the-head-off-an-animal shriek. I didn't recognize the song, because there wasn't an ounce of disco in it, and right now I'm craving me some true disco. Presumed compliment from Paula: "It's as if you tore your heart out and left it on the stage." I have totally just thought of a great storyline for "Grey's Anatomy."

Oh yeah, baby. Matt is "Stayin' Alive." What a great choice for the guy who almost got sent home last week. He's demonstrating great vocals and runs. He's groovin' with the back-up singers and whippin' out the falsetto like it's a Parmesan cheese grater at Olive Garden. I may just suggest that this could be the second hottest song of the night.

All right, let's see what Anoop does with "Dim All The Lights." Don't take this wrong, but he looks great with facial hair. It makes him look more grown up and less like some cliche ethnic participant, whatever I mean by that. Facial hair also balances out his manly eyebrows, I believe. He probably did fine with the song, but I don't think the audience was digging it as much as the other singers, because the applause and cheers died incredibly quickly, and Simon labeled it "mediocre at best."

I'm figuring at this point, a lot of people are just voting for who they want to see win, like a popularity contest more than a singing contest, so I'm predicting this week's bottom three will be a repeat of last week's, even though I think Matt should rise up a little farther.

Well, I better go. My daughters are probably expecting me to do a little disco dancing. They didn't SAY so, but I can tell by the way they quickly said good night and ran up to bed when the show ended.

"Wait up, girls!! I got some moves you'll want to check out!! Get a load of this point up and down and up and down..."

Sheesh. I've never seen them brush their teeth, hop in bed and turn out the lights so quickly. They must not be feeling well, poor things. Maybe in the morning.
Be sure to pop over to my wife's blog. And don't be surprised if you get suckered into giving her a ride to Funky Town.
Or check out more AI reviews by the boatload over at my friend Boomama's. (I only call her "my friend" because she loves cheese and bacon as much as I, not because she's agreed to lift the restraining order.)


2nd Cup of Coffee said...

You know, I didn't realize it until you pointed it out, but Adam's rendition did kill the disco vibe, and that ain't where it's at tonight. I agree with your summation and second the motion to start the disco commotion. Too much caffeine for me. Sorry.

Suzie said...

Didn't you hear? Anoop's eyebrows are very Grouch Marxish. Ryan said so himself.

For a disco night, it could have used a little more actual disco-like songs.

Tammy said...

Yea, my disco groove was a total bust this evening.

Thanks to Allison, I've been able to do a little teaching about what we are NOT going to wear when "we" are 16 (in 9 years). Maybe by that time, the Ingalls look will be back in style.

Starr said...

THAT'S why I liked the facial hair! It DID help with the eyebrows! Wow. Thanks for that.

Smoochiefrog said...

You still kill me with the bite the head of a bat stuff.

Yeah, Matt should be higher than Anoop or Lil. Let's hope it happens.

JenB said...

Totally named my post the same thing. Original, we are.
"whippin' out the falsetto like it's a Parmesan cheese grater at Olive Garden"---laughed out loud. Funny guy.

Alyssa and Ron said...

I happened to stumble across your blog and to be quite honest, with all the garabage in the world, the stress of everyday life and the challenge of raising children, YOUR BLOG IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR!! So funny, down to earth, and real. Keep it up!

Nomad said...

i'm still pulling for Danny, though I admit he needs to turn it up a notch at this point in the competition